Tag: unintentional hilarity

Unintentional Hilarity: Movies

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Directed by

Joseph Sargent

Starring:

Lorraine Gary, Michael Caine, and Mario Van Peebles (feat. Lance Guest as Michael Brody)

Warning:

This movie features the greatest “get attacked by a shark that pierces all internal organs while being submerged deep into the ocean” comeback to life scenes in the history of cinema.

Question to ask while watching:

What kind of financial ruin must Michael Caine have been in whilst signing the dotted-line for this one?

Scenes to watch for (and consider rewatching in slow motion multiple times):

1 – Banana boat attack

This scene looked terrifying on the trailers. Even at 12 years old, I could see how stupid it looked during the actual movie. I do know for certain that I saw this gem in the theaters during its initial release. Even after the disaster that was Jaws 3-D (yet another one seen during its initial release and in less-than-stunning 3-D). Even in 1983, the CGI shark looked ridiculous.

2 – Mario Van Peebles underwater shark throwdown

MVP (aka Mario Van Peebles) gets the MVP of this movie. He not only survives a shark biting through every major organ in his body while diving the fighting MVP to the bottom of the ocean. And, in true MVP style, he lives.

3 – Plane-eating shark

This really needs no explanation. A simple watching will suffice.


On Deadly Ground (1994)

On Deadly Ground : Cinema Quad Poster

Directed by

Steven Seagal

Starring

Steven Seagal and Michael Caine (feat. Richard Hamilton as Hugh Palmer)

Warning:

Steven Seagal takes his jacket budget serious in this one. And he does not like big oil companies pillaging the land of his native people (?).

On Deadly Ground, according to IMDB, is about “a mystical martial artist/environmental Agent takes on a ruthless oil corporation”. Forest Taft is so serious about his environment that he (SPOILER ALERT) blows up a huge oil tanker or two at some point in the film.

Question to ask while watching:

What kind of financial ruin must Michael Caine have been in whilst signing the dotted-line for this one?

The last time a Michael Caine movie was reviewed, everyone’s favorite Alfred was in the Bahamas battling a vengeance-driven Jaws relative with Chief Brody’s wife from the original movie.

One would have thought that MC would have taken care of that payday loan debt after cashing in big time on Jaws: The Revenge, but looks like he wasn’t quite out of the hole seven years later. Otherwise, he may have steered away from this script.

Or, maybe he just wanted to work with Seagal. Maybe it was on his bucket list.

On Deadly Ground gives MC a chance to play a shady oil corporation head. Before his character arc is fulfilled, Forrest Tate (Seagal) starts as a henchman for MC. It should also be noted that Seagal is part-Eskimo / part-Native American. It should also be noted that Seagal’s jacket budget for this movie was probably higher than the entire technical crew budget.

At one point, Forrest Tate has a traumatic, yet inspirational, vision quest that allows him to see where his evildoings were leading him. This quest also presented him an avenue towards redemption. All of this happened after MC tried to “accidentally” kill Forrest and leave him for dead — a familiar path for most previous Seagal characters.


Leprechaun (1993)

Directed by Mark Jones

Starring Warwick Davis and Jennifer Aniston (feat. Mark Holton as Ozzie)

Jennifer Aniston broke into movie fame with this 1993 horror flick. Leprechaun revitalized Warwick Davis’s career that waned between ’88 and ’93. I speculate that his fame from Willow could have led to a (not so high) fall from grace. Prior to Willow, Davis was living the high life as the “guy who played Wicket the Ewok” before going off the deep end with David Bowie in Labyrinth.

I like to assume that Davis burned through his money living the life of a rock star. By the time he was given the script to Leprechaun, I imagine him sitting out by a empty-ish pool in a cheap Vegas motel, drinking red-white-and-blue blender drinks and signing autographs on the streets for $10 a piece.

Just let me have it.


Half Past Dead (2002)