Category: Uncategorized

Mystery inspiration

(This mysterious piece has no date, but, from the sounds of things, it was somewhere around 1998. I have no idea who I am talking about here, but she must’ve made an impact back then.)

So, I think of her every now and then. Not much has really changed I guess. High school is five years past, but it never really feels that way. I wonder if it is like that for most people.

It is hard to imagine it being any different.

I don’t know why I have that soft spot in my hear for someon that I have known well, thought I was in love with, became close friends with, held little back from, and then, in the end, thought that it was all a hoax. I tried to convince myself that I could give a big fuck you  to it all. I wrote a poem – a masterpiece in my distorted mind — and let it spill onto the paper like a bucket of rain being tipped into a small brown puddle near the sidewalk.


In the end, I don’t really care what happened. I held a shield to the temptation of ambiance; to the temptation of living in the past.

It’s funny sometimes. It’s like way back when the world was a playground and all was quiet, everything seemed so clear. I can see her right now, breathing in the salty steam rising from a corner hot dog vendor’s cooker. Walking and laughing like it had all been part of the innocence of a life no longer here.

(This rambling ends with a rough sketch of a person with X’s for eyes, smiling and holding up a heavy metal sign. Wtf?)



Day one of cleanse (6/13/02)

(This was a journal entry from 2002. I somewhat remember starting this cleanse that was supposed to last 28 days — I think I made it to 15 or so.)


Today I being my body cleanse and I really don’t know how I feel right now. I actually bought all my supplies yesterday in order to make an alkaline broth. I was thinking about attempting to turn over a new leaf again and also go back to meetings, so I did that also.

First, I drove to Walmart and spent close to $100 on supplies. Next, as I was driving home, I was pulled over for speeding and received a ticket. It was a horrible experience because I did not have my license on me and, for some reason, I am supposedly under suspended license for a reason that I did not understand. I drove the rest of the way pissed off.

2nd, I went to a meeting yesterday and it felt good. I am afraid that I will being second guessing myself about it again, but, for now, I feel good about it. There were a lot of new faces that I had never seen before, but it made me feel at home. This time, I want to complete the program for me. No one else but me. I want ot be successful and serene. I want to uncloud my mind. I want to clear my body of all toxins. I want to be free.